First of all, I’m sorry that I did not get this posted sooner! Unfortunately, I am not immune to having a week or two from hell! Darn. On a positive note, people actually noticed that it wasn’t posted so people are reading it! Yay!
Wouldn’t it be great if we could actually teach people how to treat us? Well we can!
Being physically different than everyone else, I was forced to figure this out if I wanted to have any self-esteem. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, my most insecure times were in middle school. Why? I let what other people say define who I was. Anything mean people said, I believed. “No boy wants to date a tall girl.” “You’re a freak.” “You’re too uncoordinated to play sports.” I actually had a nurse tell me, “You wouldn’t look so tall if you gained weight.” Um. What!? This sent the message that being unhealthy was favorable to being tall. Let me remind you I heard that form a nurse. WTF (Well That’s Fantastic;)
So what was my reaction to all these comments? Nothing. I was the victim. Life is so unfair so why would I stick up for myself? I was upset about my height which I have zero control over. I was getting what I tolerated.
Remember how I said that I walked around pretending that I wasn’t tall? First of all, how awkward does that look? Second, who is going to have any respect for someone that looks completely uncomfortable in their own skin? If you don’t show love and care for yourself, no one else will. Think about the last time you were around pessimistic people (I’m assuming you’re optimistic or at least trying to be.) “Things aren’t going to work out.” “My job sucks.” “I only got 5 likes on my selfie that took an hour to get right.” I don’t know about you but I feel an urge to point out what isn’t awful. My dose of positivity is quickly shot down around these gloomy people and sometimes they even act annoyed! Ummm sorry I got in the way of you feeling sorry for yourself… Finally I give in and let people live in their little world of negativity. Why argue if it won’t make a difference? Once our minds become convinced, it’s hard to change. Reminder: That’s why our thoughts are so important. You guys already know that though right? 😉
The confidence we display radiates from within ourselves. This concept is the same when we discuss how people treat us. If I’m sending a nonverbal message that says I’m uncomfortable with myself, who is going to disagree? I recall a woman walking up to me in a clothing store while I was shopping and said, “You poor thing, I feel so sorry for you.” I replied with, “Ooook. Why?” “It must suck so bad to be that tall and not be able to find clothes that fit.” In my head I thought to myself, “It does suck trying to find clothes long enough but who does this woman think she is?? Walking around telling people she feels sorry for them. This woman needs a new hobby.” The reason why I took offence to her comment is because I HATE people feeling sorry for me for any reason. But you know what? I felt sorry for myself and expected people to think I was awesome and confident. This is evidence that we teach people how to treat us. Have you ever had one of th0se days where you didn’t want to be social but you needed to go to the grocery store? You get to the grocery store and hope that no one talks to you… and then no one does?? Or on the other hand when you are feeling super confident and walk into the grocery store and people smile and make small talk? I could give you a million examples but I think you get my point. How you are feeling on the inside and how you present yourself to the world is what comes back to you.
Lastly, take control of your happiness. Can we really take charge of our happiness? Of course we can! I was told for a long time that no man would want to be with a tall woman because they would be too intimidated. I found that this is true for insecure men of any size! The way I took control of my happiness is by thinking that I actually have an advantage since all the insecure men are automatically weeded out due to my height! Wahoo! We tend to put our happiness in other people’s hands which is a very unstable place. In an argument with a significant other or friend when you say something like, “You’re making me feel angry.” Last time I checked none of us have the power to literally alter people’s feelings. So take ownership. That is not to invalidate real concerns. We all act from only one point of reference so recognize what might being going on with yourself. Taking the same example while owning your feelings, “I am feeling angry because I am not being heard.” See the difference? When we take control of our happiness, we feel more in control of any situation! Why? We have something stable and reliable to depend on and that is ourselves.
There is so many more things I would like to explain on this topic but I will leave that for future blogs!
- You get what you tolerate.
- Your confidence radiates from within.
- Take control of your happiness,
- Take ownership.
- You are the most stable person you have.
I hope you enjoyed this week’s blog! Again, don’t hesitate to connect with me on social media for daily inspiration! I love feedback so let me know what you think and if anything has been helpful. 🙂